The Greatest (almost) Final Fantasy Crossover Ever
by The Raven
Summary: This is a little different, but it has humor, Metallica, and boy bands getting what they deserve, so enjoy!


This is going to be one of the biggest crossover stories ever typed on one computer! But what is the point   
  
of this story? Well, have you ever wondered what would happen to the three most popular WWF wrestlers,   
  
if they wound up in a different place than the ring? Well, this is that story. See what happens as The Rock,   
  
Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Chris Jericho wind up somewhere else instead of a jam packed arena full of   
  
people! Appearances by other shows, companies, and video games, I guarantee it! Unfortunately, none of   
  
this in the story is owned by me. Seriously, none of this is owned by me!  
  
Where the hell has everybody gone?   
  
By Raven  
  
It all starts in Arrowhead Pond in Anaheim, California as another electrifying episode of RAW IS WAR is on   
  
right now!  
  
The storyline for tonight is, three men are looking for revenge against their enemies. Stone Cold goes one   
  
on one with the Undertaker, Chris Jericho fights Chris Benoit, and in the main event, WWF Champion The   
  
Rock goes up against Triple H in a non-title match! Wait, the first of our three matches is up right now!  
  
Match #1: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Undertaker  
  
The King: What a match this is tonight! Two of the biggest superstars brawlin it out! What do you think   
  
JR?  
  
Jim Ross (JR): Yes! A very good matchup, right behind Chris Jericho and Benoit!  
  
King: Oh! Austin just hit Taker with a steel chair, what a shot, that echoed through the arena!  
  
JR: Unbelievable from Stone Cold! But wait! Undertaker is back up, and Austin don't know it!  
  
[Right then, Undertaker grabs the Texas Rattlesnake for a chokeslam. He picks him up and drops him! But   
  
when Austin hit the mat, he went through a strange portal and disappeared!]  
  
King:What a chokesla.. what?!?!? Stone Cold has disappeared!   
  
JR: This is a show I don't want to remember..  
  
Announcer(Fink):There is no winner in this contest!  
  
Match #2: Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit  
  
King: This should be a great match.. well, hopefully..  
  
JR: I'm sure Austin's safe, don't worry!  
  
King: Well.. ok.. OH! Crippler Crossface on Jericho! He could tap out! AHHH!!!!  
  
[Luckily, Y2J grabs the ropes for safety]  
  
JR: Very close one, but a smart manuever from Jericho.  
  
*6 minutes later*  
  
King: Jericho with a bulldog to Benoit!  
  
JR: This match is one true slobberknocker!  
  
[Jericho gets on the 2nd rope for the Lionsault, but while in the air, he suddenly disappears like Austin did!]  
  
King: Oh my god! Jericho too?!?  
  
JR: This is pure insanity, the locations of these 2 are unknown!  
  
Fink: There is no winner in this contest!  
  
Match #3: The Rock vs. Triple H  
  
King: Dammit, I don't wanna watch this! One of these guys might be gone, before the night is over!  
  
JR: I'm very worried about this match.. *sigh*  
  
[The arena was filled with the 'Rocky' chant, as The Rock gave his chops to The Game, along with a DDT,   
  
but HHH kicked out at 2.]  
  
King: This match is good, for now..  
  
JR: If I were HHH, I'd let the Rock pin me after that DDT, or I'd might disappear like Jericho and Austin!  
  
King: You're not The Game, so shut your mouth!  
  
JR: I'm just making a point here.  
  
King: You're truly right, we might be missing 3, maybe 4 people after tonight's RAW IS WAR!  
  
[The Rock almost got the Pedigree, but then reversed it into a sidewalk slam, and started to take off his right   
  
elbow strap]  
  
King: It's time for the most electrifying move in Sports Entertainment, the People's Elbow!  
  
[The Rock bounces on the first rope and leaps over HHH. Then when he touched the 2nd rope, he was sent   
  
through a portal himself!]  
  
JR: No! What a damn shame!  
  
King: I can't believe it!  
  
Fink: *sigh* There is no winner in this contest either... my god.  
  
[The crowd was silent as they knew that night, they lost 3 of their favorite wrestlers just then...]  
  
Meanwhile in WCW..  
  
Mean Gene: Kanyon, what do you think of this story so far?  
  
"Positively" Kanyon: It sucks! It's so pitiful, that I'm gonna give everyone I see in this a Diam- no! A   
  
KANYON cutter, ha ha ha!  
  
[Kanyon gives Mean Gene the Kanyon Cutter and leaves!]  
  
In an arena in a different place....  
  
Sailor Moon: Tuxedo Mask! Thanks for the help!  
  
Tuxedo Mask: I shall destroy this evil woman once and for all!  
  
[Right when Tuxedo Mask was summoning his power, he disappeared!]  
  
S. Mercury: Oh no! Tuxedo Mask is gone! How shall we win against Amazonia then?  
  
S. Mars: Wait! I hear a strange repeating noise..  
  
S. Jupiter: Look at the wall!  
  
[On the wall had Jericho's titantron clip with Y2J and the timer.]  
  
5...4....3....2....1....0!  
  
[The arena then got dark for a few seconds until a loud bang of fireworks went off! And Jericho was   
  
standing there doing his pose while his music was playing!]  
  
S. Moon: Who are you?!?  
  
[Y2J did not reply, he went down there to smack Amazonia in the face, grab her legs, and put her in the   
  
submission hold, the Walls of Jericho!]  
  
Y2J: AHHHHH!!! AHHHHH!! AHHHH!!  
  
[The evil woman known as Amazonia was sceaming for help, but the Walls of Jericho was so strong on her,   
  
her head ripped off her shoulders and her body exploded!]  
  
S. Moon: I'll ask one more time, who are you and where is Tuxedo Mask?  
  
Y2J: To answer one question, I don't know anyone named Tuxedo Mask.  
  
S. Venus: Well, what's your name?  
  
Y2J: I have a lot of names, but my real name is Chris Jericho.  
  
S. Moon: That's not a battling name..  
  
Y2J: Well, my 2 nicknames are Y2J and the Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah!  
  
S. Jupiter: *confused* What's an Ayatoola?  
  
Y2J: Don't worry about it. I'm only concerned about getting back to America, so I can wrestle again.  
  
S. Moon: You're a wrestler? How about relationships?  
  
Y2J: Well, I did go with a beastly woman named Chyna once, but she dumped me for some jerk named   
  
Eddie Guerrero, who calls her Mamacita and claims to have "Latino Heat!"  
  
S. Mars: You're a great trash talker!  
  
Y2J: A lot of people say that.  
  
In Queen Beryl's lair..  
  
Queen: Who is this so called "Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah?"  
  
Apprentice: I think he goes by the name of Chris Jericho and has many fans he calls "Jericholoics" in his   
  
homeland.  
  
Queen: Dammit! That means Tuxedo Mask is still alive, where I can't kill him! I'll settle for Jericho, cause I   
  
am one person that will never be a Jericholic! New mission Apprentice! Chris Jericho, Y2J, Ayatollah of   
  
Rock and Rollah, or whatever he wants to be called?!?@#@!@! Anyways, the new mission is called: Chris   
  
Jericho must die! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  
  
In a different dimension, movie, world, whatever....  
  
[On the jumbo jet...]  
  
Austin Powers: Vanessa, I have to ask you one question, and please be honest...  
  
Vanessa: What is it?  
  
[Austin presses the button to start spinning the rotating bed, but doesn't realize what's about to happen to   
  
him]  
  
Powers: Do I make you hor- OH CRAAAAAPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!  
  
[Austin Powers falls through the bed into the exact same portal that the other 4 people were sent through]  
  
Vanessa: Austin, if you would please come back from under the bed, we could answer a few questions!  
  
[All of a sudden, the jet radio plays the sound of breaking glass and Stone Cold's music starts playing! The   
  
Texas Rattlesnake enters the back room where Vanessa is.]  
  
Stone Cold: What the hell kind of jet is this?  
  
Vanessa: It's supposed to be a "Jumbo Jet." Do you know where Austin Powers went, and who are you?!?  
  
Stone Cold: I don't know any trash by the name of Austin Powers, and my name is Stone Cold Steve Austin,   
  
now get it right, or I'll straighten you out after I suck down a few Steveweisers!  
  
Vanessa: Okay... Mr. Austin, since Austin Powers is missing, we've been wondering if you would help us   
  
with something.  
  
Stone Cold: Well, I have nothing else better to do, so what ya got?  
  
Vanessa: We're hunting down a man named Dr. Evil.  
  
Stone Cold: That name makes him a piece of trash!  
  
Vanessa: Uh.. yes.. anyway, he has plans for world domination, and that's where you come in. Here's a   
  
picture of him.  
  
[The picture shows Dr. Evil doing his pinkie taunt, while stroking Mr. Bigelsworth]  
  
Stone Cold: (laughing hysterically) That guy's trying to take over the world?!? I could suck down 50   
  
Steveweisers, flip him off a few times, and still be able to drop him a few times on his chin!  
  
Vanessa: Well, we're at our destination so get ready to listen.  
  
Stone Cold: ...  
  
At the main headquarters...  
  
Bazel: Uh.. nice to meet you Mr. Stone Cold..  
  
Stone Cold: Don't you ever give me that greeting again, I don't like being called Mister!  
  
[While 3:16 and Bazel were talking, Kanyon sneaks in.]  
  
Kanyon: There's got to be something better...  
  
[Kanyon runs in and gives Bazel the Kanyon Cutter and then looks at Stone Cold]  
  
Kanyon: You're about to learn that nobody's better than Kanyon!  
  
[He attempts the Kanyon Cutter, but Austin shoves him off, and gives him a Stone Cold Stunner!]  
  
Kanyon: (close to crying) I gotta get out of here!  
  
Stone Cold: Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your ass!  
  
[He then grabs a 6-pack and chugs it down in seconds]  
  
Bazel: Now that he's gone, I'll explain some more about the mission.  
  
In the City Of The Ancients.... A.K.A. a very faraway place!  
  
[The Avalanche Team was at the bottom of the city, and Cloud noticed Aeris praying. Then he saw   
  
Sephiroth up in the sky.]  
  
Cloud: Look out Aeri- AHHHH!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
[Cloud was all of a sudden pulled through a portal as well! But when he was pulled in, The Rock came out!]  
  
The Rock: The Rock wants to know what the hell is going on here! Jabroni, you with the white hair and   
  
cigar, what's happening here?!?!?  
  
Cid: Well, it looks like Aeris is going to get stabbed by Sephiroth from above. (he points to them two)  
  
The Rock: Well, it ain't happening, The Rock guaran-DAMN-tees it!  
  
[Sephiroth is on the urge of killing Aeris now! But before his sword touches her back, The Rock grabs him   
  
and slams him with the Rock Bottom!]  
  
JR: What a moment we just saw! A great rescue!  
  
King: Yes, I really like it.. wait, what are we doing here?? (He sees Tifa, Aeris, and Yuffie then) Whoo-hoo!   
  
Puppies!! YAHOO!!!!  
  
JR: And who's that guy wearing that DDP shirt? He's coming near us!! (JR jumps into the portal, leaving the   
  
King alone)  
  
King: AHHH!!! NOO!!!!   
  
[It's Kanyon! And he gives Jerry Lawler the Kanyon Cutter!]  
  
Kanyon: BANG!!!!  
  
[Then he runs off. King limps into the portal afterwards.]  
  
The Rock: (looks at Tifa) What's your name Jabroni?  
  
Tifa: It isn't Jabroonie or whatever it is you say, it's Ti..  
  
Rock: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!  
  
Barret: Hi, I'm Barret, and I'm the leader of this group, so you take orders from me now!  
  
Rock: How about we battle for it! The Rock is the WWF.. champion. The Rock is also the people's... champion.  
  
Cid: Whatever... Barret! Use Grenade Bomb!  
  
[Barret summons his Level 2 limis break Grenade Bomb, but The Rock is dodging all the grenades thrown at   
  
him.]  
  
Barret: That was my level 2 though! I should've used Level 4..  
  
Rock: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR LEVEL 4 LIMIT BREAK IS! Here's The Rock's level 3!  
  
[Rock puts Barret in the Rock Bottom and pins him while Vincent makes a count]  
  
Vincent: 1.....2......3!  
  
[Bell dings and The Rock's music starts playing as he celebrates with the People's Eyebrow!]  
  
Tifa: I don't like this guy at all..  
  
Aeris: Hey, he saved my life!  
  
Meanwhile.... in Sephiroth's Lair  
  
Sephiroth: So, he calls himself the People's Champion eh? Well I'll have to destroy him pretty soon.. now   
  
that Cloud Strife has disappeared, Avalanche doesn't stand a chance against me! Besides, The Rock is only a   
  
wrestler! He don't have pretty hair or a long masumune blade like I do! He will be finished! Ha ha ha ha ha   
  
ha ha ha ha! Jenova, mother, we will win!  
  
In the WWF....  
  
All of a sudden in Chris Jericho's locker room, Tuxedo Mask appears!  
  
All of a sudden in Stone Cold's locker room, Austin Powers appears!  
  
And all of a sudden in The Rock's locker room, Cloud Strife appears!  
  
In the ring however....  
  
Undertaker: Austin you coward! Come out here and fight like a man, you sissy portal user!  
  
Backstage...  
  
Powers: Coward? I'll show him!  
  
[Austin Powers comes out to the theme music to Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, and   
  
"swings" his way to the ring]  
  
Undertaker: When I said Austin the coward, I didn't mean Austin the toothpick!  
  
Powers: Toothpick? You couldn't get a woman if she tripped and fell in your pants man! You look like you   
  
got beat with an ugly stick! [The crowd cheers as Austin P. says what he thinks is right!]  
  
Undertaker: You made a really big mistake saying that, cause 4 weeks from now, at Summerslam in Raleigh,   
  
North Carolina, you versus me! I'll show you the true meaning of ugly, after I rip your face off, break every   
  
bone in your body, and swim in a pool of your blood!  
  
[Undertaker's music plays again as he leaves to go backstage]  
  
An hour later... backstage...  
  
HHH: This is his locker room, get him!  
  
[HHH and D-X bust down the door, and get Cloud!]  
  
HHH: We got him, let's go!  
  
Cloud: But I'm not the Rock!  
  
HHH: We don't care, now shut the hell up, crybaby!  
  
Cloud: Go screw your self, or as you say, SUCK IT!  
  
[X-Pac kicks Cloud in the balls and HHH throws him though a table!]  
  
HHH: You wanna be like that, then screw the Rock, it's you and me at Summerslam!  
  
[D-X walks off in disgust]  
  
Smackdown's Main Event: Big Bossman vs. ...Tuxedo Mask??? Where's Jericho?!?  
  
King: Well anyways that "Fighting Evil by Moonlight" song sucked big time!  
  
Michael Cole: Tuxedo Mask probably doesn't even know any moves!  
  
King: Oh! The Bossman with a hard-hitting piledriver!  
  
[Tuxedo Mask gets up and gives him a low blow]  
  
King: My god! We could see a big upset if he keeps doing that!  
  
Cole: That's still cheating though.  
  
King: Shut up Michael, you don't know anything about fairness or cheating!  
  
On the huge oval screen (I'll just called it the Ovaltron in this story)  
  
Benoit: That guy with a top hat and suit was in here (pointing at Y2J's locker room) he must be Jericho in   
  
disguise, I'm going out there. [Walks off]  
  
Well, back to the match.  
  
King: What's the wolverine up to now?!?  
  
[Meanwhile, Tuxedo Mask blinds the Bossman with the rose and gives him a DDT! But the ref is knocked   
  
out!]  
  
King: He has the match won! But wait, what's Benoit doing out here?  
  
[Benoit comes to the ring and gives Tuxedo Mask the Swandive Headbutt! Benoit wakes the ref up as   
  
Bossman pins Tuxedo Mask!]  
  
Fink: Here's your winner, The Big Bossman!  
  
[Then Benoit looks at Tuxedo Mask as he gets up. T.M. throws a rose at him for some dumb reason, and   
  
The Crippler grabs him for the Crippler Crossface and applies it to him]  
  
Benoit without a microphone: Tuxedo Mask, you're not Chris Jericho, but we're fighting at Summerslam!  
  
Smackdown then comes to an end.  
  
In the world of Sailor Moon...  
  
Serena: Damian, this is my new friend Chris Jericho! (Damian is someone who never gets any TV time)  
  
Damian: Hi Chris.  
  
Jericho:(muttering) You remind me of a guy in the WWF who has a very small penis! (Vince McMahon for   
  
you people who don't watch wrestling!)  
  
Damian: What?  
  
Jericho: Nothing, I'm doing fine, nice to meet you!  
  
Serena: Senses something... we gotta go!  
  
Jericho being dragged: What's going on here!  
  
[Then Serena transforms into Sailor Moon ready to fight with the other scouts and Jericho!]  
  
Queen B.: So you got my message and you must be Chris Jericho!  
  
Jericho: Wow, you are a special person!  
  
S. Moon: ?????  
  
Queen: Why do you say that, honey?  
  
Jericho: Cause, you are a dirty, skanky, disgusting, filthy, rotten, brutal, bottom-feeding trashbag ho!  
  
Queen: WHAT? I would have the honor of destroying your ass!  
  
Jericho: Honor? You mean jump "honor" and stay "honor"? ("on her" for those who don't understand)  
  
Queen: Why do you hurt me, I am a beautiful flower!  
  
Jericho: Flower? You look like you lost your flower years ago!  
  
[Queen Beryl slaps him in the face and the battle starts. Queen Beryl wipes out 4 Sailor Scouts in 6 minutes,   
  
but from behind, Y2J gives her his trademark bulldog!]  
  
Jericho: Yes! (prepares his finisher and stops before doing it) Crap! No ropes to bounce on, and no ref to   
  
make the three count!  
  
Moon: Don't worry Chris, I'll finish her off! Moon Scepter Elimination!!!!  
  
Mercury: Could Queen Beryl finally die?  
  
[Unfortunately, the downfall is, Sailor Moon always has to do a few poses in order to execute. So while   
  
she's posing with the Moon Scepter, an enranged Kanyon comes in and gives Sailor Moon the Kanyon   
  
Cutter!]  
  
Kanyon: BANG!!!!  
  
Queen Beryl: Oh thank you, youn-  
  
[Right then, Kanyon gives Queen Beryl the Kanyon Cutter too!]  
  
Queen: AHHHHHH!!!! My beautiful face! It's ruined!  
  
Kanyon: BANG!!!! [He then walks out of the world]  
  
Queen: You sailor brats will pay! [She then disappears.]  
  
Jericho: That was a close one... [he then walks away]  
  
In the Shagadelic Realm of Austin Powers....  
  
Stone Cold: Why the hell do I have to sleep on the couch?  
  
Vanessa: We have to act like a married couple on this mission, don't you remember, Dr. Evil has stolen a   
  
nuclear warhead, and we have to stop him before it goes to the center of the earth!  
  
Stone Cold: Dr. Evil? Warhead? Married Couple? These things don't scare Stone Cold Steve Austin!  
  
Vanessa: Anyways, off to bed.  
  
The next day... in Dr. Evil's lair.  
  
Dr. Evil: Today we shall start the ransom countdown! If we don't get our.. one million dollars..  
  
Number 2 (or #2): Shouldn't that be higher?  
  
Dr. Evil: Oh, sorry, if we don't get our one-hundred billion dollars, the world will be covered in liquid hot   
  
MAG-MA.  
  
Frau: Dr. Evil, it occurs that you have a son! It happened while you were cryogenically frozen! Bring out   
  
the son!  
  
[Scott Evil enters the lair]  
  
Dr. Evil: Hi son. I am your father.  
  
Scott: You expect me to love you?!? You come back from being frozen and expect me to love you?!? Go   
  
away!  
  
Mustafa: I do have a plan to settle this arguement and give Mr. Bigelsworth his hair back!  
  
Dr. Evil: Silence!  
  
[Then Kanyon walks into the lair and gives Mustafa the Kanyon Cutter! Mustafa head flies off after the   
  
cutter!]  
  
Kanyon: BANG!!!! [Then he leaves]  
  
Dr. Evil: Well, now that Mustafa's decapitated and Scott has run off to be away from me, we'll move on.   
  
We still are short of a plan to kill Austin Powers [does pinkie taunt]!  
  
#2: That won't be necessary. Austin Powers has disappeared, and they now have a new recruit working on   
  
his mission.  
  
Dr. Evil: Who is that?  
  
[Number 2 puts in a video composed of short clips of "Cause Stone Cold Said So" "Austin 3:16   
  
Uncensored" and "Oh Hell Yeah" all made by WWF and Titan Sports, buy em today! Well.. back to the   
  
story]  
  
#2: When you hear the sound of breaking glass, he will kick somebody ass. He has no love for anyone,   
  
cause of one of his quotes called "D.T.A. Don't trust anybody." He likes to chug six packs of beer in a   
  
matter of seconds, give people the middle finger god knows how many times, and finish off hard fights with   
  
his trademark, the Stone Cold Stunner. Call him Austin 3:16, Texas Rattlesnake, or anything else at all, but   
  
he truly goes by... Stone Cold Steve Austin.  
  
Dr. Evil: Stone Cold, eh? We'll have to settle this. Let's think of a new plan, throw me a frickin bone here.   
  
I'm the boss. Need the info.  
  
In the great crater...  
  
Tifa: We need someone to hold the black materia!  
  
Aeris: I was almost killed, give me a break here!  
  
Barret: I don't think so, my gun might go haywire!  
  
Vincent: I see light here, I'm going with you guys.  
  
Cait Sith: I ain't touching that!  
  
Red XIII: No, I'm allergic to black materia.  
  
Yuffie: Black Materia isn't worth stealing!  
  
Cid: Who the hell do you think I am? (Before he finishes)..  
  
Rock: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO THE HELL THEY THINK YOU ARE!  
  
Tifa: Ok, we'll take a vote. Just say the name of who should hold it. I choose The Rock, because he's our   
  
leader!  
  
Barret: Rock, cause he took my leader spot in Avalanche!  
  
Aeris: Rock, because he saved my life so he should be responsible.  
  
Vincent: Tif- [Gets elbowed by Tifa] Ow.. The Rock, cause... well, just because.  
  
Yuffie: Rock, because he told me to know my role and shut my mouth!  
  
Cait Sith: Rock, cause he tried to dismember me and my Mog in a wrestling match!  
  
Red XIII: Rock, cause he told me to turn my Talisman sideways and stick it straight up my candy-  
  
Tifa: That's enough. Cid?  
  
Cid: Rock, cause he called me a Jabroni!  
  
Rock: The Rock chooses Tifa, cause she is a walking two dollar slut!  
  
[Tifa slaps The Rock in the face]  
  
Tifa: Well, that's 7-1.  
  
Vincent: It's 6-2, I voted for.. [gets elbowed again] ... I was wrong.  
  
Tifa: [Hands the materia to The Rock] Be careful.  
  
The Rock: Why does The Rock even have to hold this piece of monkey crap! [Smells it] It even smells like   
  
monkey crap!  
  
Yuffie: You've smelled monkey crap?  
  
The Rock: The Rock says you need to shut your mouth, before he takes your stupid materia sack, fills it   
  
with monkey crap, turns that son of a bitch sideways, and sticks it straight up your candy-ass!  
  
Red XIII: There he goes again...  
  
Cid: Sephiroth could take over the world by now...  
  
Tifa: That's enough! Rock, quit your talking and hold the damn materia!  
  
[They all leave The Rock alone. All of a sudden Chris Jericho appears!]  
  
Rock: Jericho! Where have you been?  
  
Y2J: That don't matter, give me the Black Materia!  
  
[The crew watches from far-off]  
  
Aeris: Who's Jericho? He looks cute!  
  
Cid: Shut up! We're listening!  
  
Rock: Aren't you supposed to fight Chris Benoit for the Intercontinental Title?  
  
Y2J: What's an in-ter-conn-tinn-ental title?  
  
Rock: Aha! You're a fraud! [Jericho morphs into Sephiroth] So you're the piece of monkey crap that those   
  
other people were talking about!  
  
Sephiroth: And you must be "The People's Champion"  
  
The Rock: The Rock is also the WWF champion.  
  
Sephiroth: Well Rocky, your days are numbered! You don't have long, nice hair or a sharp masamune blade   
  
like I do! In fact, you're weaponless! Ever heard of my Ultimate Limit, Super Nova?  
  
The Rock: Well, The Rock says this! He's gonna shine that masamune blade up real nice for you!  
  
Cid: What the hell is he trying to say? Is he a window cleaner?  
  
Barret: Shut your mouth!  
  
The Rock: The Rock's gonna shine it up real nice, turn that son-of-a-bitch sideways, and stick it straight up   
  
your candy-ass!  
  
Sephiroth: I don't know what you're talking about, but it's time to die!  
  
The Rock: [Doing the 'bring it' hand symbol] Just bring it!  
  
[Sephiroth tries to slash The Rock's head off, but Rock ducks and counters with a Level 3 Limit break "The   
  
Rock Bottom!"] Now you shall pay! Ultimate limit, now!!!  
  
Aeris: What's his ultimate limit?  
  
Yuffie: We'll find out! It's probably nothing compared to mine!  
  
Cait Sith: My Level 1 limit is better than your ultimate!  
  
Tifa: Hush!  
  
[All of a sudden, a virtual ring and audience appear! The Rock removes his right elbow pad! He moves to   
  
the first rope.. the 2nd, and drops the People's Elbow to Sephiroth! He goes for a pin!]  
  
Vincent: [puts on a referee shirt] 1....2....3!  
  
[Ding Ding Ding!] [The Rock's music plays as he gets on one of the virtual turnbuckles and does the one   
  
eyebrow taunt]  
  
Sephroth: Forgetting something? [With the black materia, he disappears]  
  
Rock: Damn! Avalanche, looks like the Rock has failed your task...  
  
Tifa: Don't worry, you were good!  
  
Barret: Your elbow makes my catastrophe look like a burnt out cherry bomb!  
  
Rock: In America, the millions.... oh well... and millions of The Rock's fans would chant The Rock's name...   
  
The Rock misses America.  
  
Tifa: I miss Cloud..  
  
Rock: Who's Cloud?  
  
Tifa: Well, he was here until he was pulled in the portal and you came here.  
  
Rock: Wait a minute! A portal only has 2 doors right?  
  
Everyone else: Right!  
  
Rock: That means Cloud is in America, where The Rock works!  
  
Tifa: Uh... what is your job?  
  
Rock: Well, that means Cloud is now a wrestler and instead of The Rock, he must be fighting Triple H, one   
  
of the damn toughest candy-asses there is!  
  
Aeris: Oh no! What will we do?  
  
Rock: The Rock doesn't know... Anyways, The Rock is not looking for home or Cloud yet!  
  
Cid: But why?!?  
  
Rock: Cause The Rock is a man of his word! And when The Rock says he is going to layeth the smacketh   
  
down Sephiroth's candy-ass, he means The Rock is going to LAYETH THE SMACKETH DOWN ON   
  
SEPHIROTH'S CANDY ASS!  
  
Vincent: What courage. I've never seen anyone this furious before against Sephiroth.  
  
Rock: Has Sephiroth had a taste of Poontang Pie before?  
  
Tifa: What's poontang pie?  
  
Rock: Oh great... The Rock shall explain later... [grabs mike] IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLA LA LA   
  
LA! WHAT THE ROCK..... IS COOKIN! [music plays as Avalanche leaves]  
  
On RAW IS WAR...  
  
[Backstage, Cloud steps into the A.P.A. office]  
  
Faarooq: What the hell do you want? Don't you know to knock?  
  
Cloud: I've been hearing a lot about your protection agency and I was wondering if you could watch my   
  
back!  
  
Bradshaw: Got any money?  
  
Cloud: I have 10,000 Gil!  
  
Faarooq: Shiiit! What the hell is gill!  
  
Bradshaw: Where the hell are you from, Seaworld?  
  
[All of a sudden, Kurt Angle walking by accidently drops 2 twenty-dollar bills as he walks by. Cloud picks   
  
up the money]  
  
  
Cloud: You mean this?  
  
Both Acolytes: Yes, our beer money! You got some protection my friend!  
  
Match 3: X-Pac w/Road Dogg and Tori vs. Cloud Strife w/Acolytes  
  
King: What a match we have now! The un-experienced Cloud Strife, stripped of all his weapons vs. the   
  
quick and agile X-Pac! Look at Tori, whoo-hoo!  
  
JR: Calm down King.  
  
[The match goes on for 5 minutes, with the A.P.A. being a big help to Cloud Strife. Unfortunately,   
  
Bossman and Bull Buchanan come in and chase everyone except Cloud and X-Pac out of the arena]  
  
King: The X-Factor! Wait, there's no ref! And there's the guy who attacked me!  
  
[All of a sudden, Kanyon runs in and gives X-Pac the Kanyon Cutter! He puts Cloud on top of X-Pac!]  
  
Kanyon: BANG!!!!!!!!! [Then he leaves]  
  
Ref: 1.....2......3 [Bell rings, ending the match]  
  
Fink: Here's your winner, Cloud Strife!  
  
Match 5: Tuxedo Mask vs. Viscera  
  
JR: Tuxedo Mask might as well die tonight! He's only 110 lbs., and he's fighting a man 5 times his weight!  
  
King: Usually, people never lose to a big and unstable man like Viscera, but Tuxedo Mask doesn't stand a   
  
chance!  
  
[The match starts with Viscera throwing T.M. around the ring like a rag doll]  
  
King: See what I mean?!? Viscera's gonna start Tuxedo Mask's funeral tonight!  
  
[Viscera attempts the Viscera Splash, but misses!]  
  
JR: Oh, what a manuever!  
  
[Unfortunately, when Viscera was getting up, Tuxedo Mask threw a rose in his left eye! He then gives   
  
Viscera a DDT and pins him!]  
  
King: No, it can't be!  
  
  
Ref: 1....2.....3! [Bell rings, ending the match]  
  
Fink: Here's your winner, Tuxedo Mask!  
  
King: What an upset!  
  
Main event: Austin Powers vs. Kane  
  
[Austin was trying to plead to Kane not to attack him, but Kane showed no mercy! Powers then gives Kane   
  
the Judo Chop, but no effect! 2 minutes later, Undertaker interferes to attack Austin Powers!] [Bell rings,   
  
ending the match]  
  
Fink: The winner of this contest as a result of a disqualification, Austin Powers!  
  
RAW IS WAR comes to an end.  
  
In Sailor Moon's world...  
  
Mars: Don't you get it Serena?!?  
  
Serena: What?  
  
Mercury: You're in love with Chris Jericho!  
  
Serena: No I'm not, he called Sailor Venus a dirty, filthy, disgusting, rotten, brutal, bottom-feeding, trashbag   
  
ho! Besides, wasn't it you Sailor Mars who complimented on Jericho's trash talk?  
  
Mars: Ok, ok, we get it now. (mutters) She's lieing! She's probably in love with that Canyon guy as well   
  
too!  
  
Serena: I heard that! And I know Chris Kanyon is very ugly!  
  
Jupiter: That's strange. Both of the guys you like go by the name Chris!  
  
Serena: Shut up!  
  
[The others start to laugh]  
  
At a park downtown....  
  
Jericho: (stressed) Man, I can't imagine what all of the Jerichoholics are doing without their hero to save   
  
them from people such as Kirk Angel (Kurt Angle), Baldcore Holly (Hardcore Holly), The Canadian   
  
Crappler ("Crippler" Chris Benoit), and the dirty, filthy, disgusting, skanky, rotten, brutal, bottom-feeding   
  
trashbag ho (Stephanie McMahon)... man this is not good. My chances for Intercontinental Gold are over   
  
now.  
  
[Serena walks by]  
  
Serena: What's wrong?  
  
Jericho: I miss America. It was where I was a hero.  
  
Serena: I see. I'm worried about Tuxedo Mask myself.  
  
Jericho: While I was in my melancholy stage I figured out something. If I'm in Tuxedo Mask's shoes, then   
  
that must mean... he's in my shoes!  
  
Serena: What do you mean?  
  
Jericho: Well, I'm now what he does, helping you save your people. So he's a wrestler in the WWF, saving   
  
my people. His target: Chris Benoit.   
  
[How many Chris's are there in this damn story!]  
  
Serena: Who's Chris Benoit?  
  
Jericho: Probably the best technical wrestler in the WWF alive. He can defeat people 3 times his size   
  
without cheating. He has a lot of talent.  
  
Serena: Would he be worth talking to?  
  
Jericho: No. He has no emotions, no compassion, no humor, he's put my ex-girlfriend in his submission hold   
  
"The Crippler Crossface", and he only smiles everytime he abuses someone. Right now, he's the WWF   
  
Intercontinental Champion. So instead of me, Tuxedo Mask must fight Chris Benoit for the title!  
  
Serena: Oh no! Well, maybe Benoit will be slow and safe that day, like a rabbit.  
  
Jericho: Wrong. In America, a guy I know named Jim Ross gave him the nickname, "The Rabid Wolverine."   
  
Tuxedo Mask needs luck real quickly. Well, I'm heading to my apartment now.  
  
In the Austin Powers realm...  
  
Bazel on computer: Stone Cold, you need to do some undercover work on Project Vulcan! Do some   
  
undercover work at Alotta Fagina's penthouse.  
  
Stone Cold: That's a name?!? It's more like a lot of...  
  
Bazel: Please don't start that again...  
  
At Alotta's Penthouse...  
  
Stone Cold:(Walking up stairs) Why go through the window when I could go up the stairs! Stupid U.N.   
  
pieces of trash!  
  
[He walks in there and looks at the secret files.]  
  
Stone Cold: Virtucon.... Warheads.... Carrot Top Movie?!? Who the hell are these people! Here it is,   
  
Project Vulcan!  
  
[He takes the entire folder and starts to leave. Alotta Fagina enters before it happens]  
  
Alotta: What are you doing here? Where's my folder?!?  
  
Stone Cold: You piece of trash, I'm taking this shit and leaving! [He gives Alotta a Stunner and starts   
  
chugging beer] And that's the bottom line, cause Stone Cold said so! [His music plays as he leaves with the   
  
files]  
  
Alotta: (calls Virtucon) #2, Stone Cold Steve Austin stole our files!  
  
#2: We'll stop him soon!  
  
Dr. Evil: He'll die if we don't get our one-hundred billion dollars! Mwa ha ha ha! Mwa ha ha ha!  
  
Scott: I got a gun, why don't we just shoot him!  
  
Dr. Evil: Shh!  
  
Scott: But..  
  
Dr, Evil: Shh!  
  
Scott: Come on..  
  
Dr. Evil: www.shh!.com.org!  
  
Scott: You're wasting..  
  
Dr. Evil: I have a whole bag of shh! with your name on it!  
  
At the headquarters...  
  
Bazel: Good work Stone Cold! We'll have Virtucon to their knees in no time!  
  
Stone Cold: That shows them silly bastards that Stone Cold Steve Austin doesn't joke around!  
  
Bazel: Yes, great work! Have a break! You deserve it!  
  
Stone Cold: Just what I've been waiting for! [Goes outside]  
  
Outside the headquarters...  
  
Vanessa: Steve, can I ask you something?  
  
Stone Cold: Yeah, what is it?  
  
Vanessa: Have you really heard of Austin Powers, cause he was here before you were.  
  
Stone Cold: Powers, portals, Undertaker, chokeslam....   
  
[Austin has a flashback of him being chokeslammed to the portal]  
  
Stone Cold: That's it! Your Austin Powers or whoever is where I'm supposed to be!  
  
Vanessa: What do you do anyway?  
  
Stone Cold: I wrestle, so that means Powers has to fight the 6'11 320 pound Undertaker!  
  
Vanessa: Oh no! He'll be killed!  
  
[All of a sudden, a kid in a wheelchair with a huge head rolls across the story]  
  
Timmy: TIMMY!  
  
Stone Cold: We need to settle this conflict with Dr. Evil and get back to our world!  
  
In the Final Fantasy realm.... (Note: I'm not doing the entire dialogues, cause it would be too long)  
  
Tifa: This is it! We are in the place where Hojo is hiding!  
  
Rock: Hojo? More like Homo to The Rock...  
  
Barret: We made it this far.  
  
Vincent: I thought we'd never get past Proud Clod!  
  
Tifa: Don't worry! We need to make it to the top!  
  
[They find a few monsters, kill all of them, and head to the top!]  
  
Yuffie: (running her mouth) So Red XIII, if we change your look, we could be able to get you whatever you   
  
want... (still talks on)  
  
Red XIII: Oh my....  
  
[Kanyon runs in and gives Yuffie the Kanyon Cutter!]  
  
Kanyon: BANG!!!!  
  
Timmy: TIMMY!  
  
Red XIII: Thank you...  
  
[They make it to the top where Hojo is at!]  
  
Tifa: We got you now Hojo! Now surrender!  
  
Hojo: All of you are fools, Sephiroth is the true fool! And (looks to The Rock's direction) Cl- WHO THE   
  
HELL ARE YOU!  
  
The Rock: Just one question, what is your objective?  
  
Hojo: Well my objective is...  
  
The Rock: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR DAMN OBJECTIVE IS!  
  
Hojo: Yes it does! And now, I shall unleash the biggest suprise! Using some of my cells and Jenova's, we   
  
made Sephiroth! Sephiroth is my son! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  
  
The Rock: The Rock says, you gave birth to one of the biggest candy-asses out there!  
  
Hojo: I am going to enjoy watching you die!  
  
[The battle begins with Barret casting Satellite Beam on Hojo. Hojo weakned a little though, until The   
  
Rock unleashed his Level 2, The DDT!]  
  
Hojo: Damn! Convert to level 2! [He morphs into an ugly being]  
  
Rock: Watch as THE MOST electrifying man in sports enterainment whips your candy-ass all over Midgar!  
  
[The Rock does his chops, including spitting on the last one, and chops one arm off Hojo!]  
  
Cid: Let me help! Dragon Dive! [Cid performs Dragon Dive on Hojo, and weakens him!]  
  
Hojo: Witness Final Level! [Morphs into the floating Lifeform Hojo!] See my power!  
  
[Starts to shock the Rock with his thunder powers!]  
  
Kanyon: I can't take this! [Runs in and gives Hojo the Kanyon Cutter!] BANG!!!!  
  
[With a last ounce of strength, The Rock performs The People's Elbow on Hojo! Once he hits, Vincent   
  
makes a 3-count!]  
  
Vincent: 1.....2......3!  
  
[The Rock's music plays as he celebrates with the People's Eyebrow!]  
  
Rock: Sephiroth, you're next!  
  
  
On Smackdown... (A really short one..)  
  
Main Event: Tuxedo Mask, Austin Powers, and Cloud Strife vs. Triple H, Chris Benoit, and The   
  
Undertaker  
  
King: The heat between these 6 superstars has risen up very quickly!  
  
Cole: We are only 10 days away from Summerslam in Raleigh! And these 6 will be there!  
  
Timmy (commentator): TIMMY!  
  
King: That's nice Timmy.  
  
[ The match went on for 9 minutes with hard hitting everywhere! When Austin Powers low blowed Triple   
  
H, Cloud Strife sidewalk-slammed him and Austin pinned him!]  
  
Ref: 1.....2......3!  
  
[Bell rings ending match]  
  
Fink: Here's your winners, Cloud Strife, Austin Powers, and Tuxedo Mask!  
  
[All 3 men took down their opponents with chairs and celebrated on the turnbuckles as SMACKDOWN!   
  
came to an end!]  
  
In Sailor Moon's world...  
  
Serena: There's something I should tell you Chris.  
  
Jericho: What is it?  
  
Timmy: (strolling by) TIMMY!  
  
Serena: Well, ever since you came, I have sort of an affection for you..  
  
Jericho: You're a good person, but I'm soon to leave, I can feel it. But you should feel good that you got   
  
that off your chest.  
  
[Darkness fills the sky as Queen Beryl appears]  
  
Queen: That reminds me, I found where you came in Jericho!  
  
Jericho: Yeah, so.  
  
Queen: I discovered that in 8 days there's a thing where you live called "Summerslam." I should book a   
  
match for us, cause at Summerslam, Sailor Moon, you can watch Chris Benoit kill your Tuxedo Mask while   
  
I kill Jericho!  
  
Jericho: You're on!  
  
Queen: See you in hell!  
  
In Austin Power's world...  
  
In Dr. Evil's lair...  
  
Dr. Evil: I'm calling Stone Cold, I'll open up a can of whoop-butt on the Tennesee Cobra!  
  
[Stone Cold answers the phone]  
  
Stone Cold: Who the hell is this?  
  
Dr. Evil: This is Dr. Evil! I found where you appeared! But for a price. At a place called "Summerslam" it   
  
shall be you vs. me! Mwa ha ha ha!  
  
Stone Cold: You got yourself an ass-whoopin! [Hangs up] Vanessa, we have plans. Head to the jumbo jet,   
  
I'm heading home!  
  
In Final Fantasy World....  
  
At the great crater....  
  
The Rock: How far down is this thing?  
  
Aeris: I don't know either...  
  
Sephiroth [just appearing]: I can make it easier for you!  
  
The Rock: Sephiroth! The Rock wants to know what the hell is going on?  
  
Sephiroth: Well Rocky, it shall be easier for you! I found a place on your planet called "Summerslam." And   
  
at Summerslam, I can fight you for that gold belt on your shoulders!  
  
The Rock: Sephiroth, The Rock says, just bring it! Cause you can bring all the people you want! Bring   
  
Shinra, bring the Weapons, bring your Mako, dig Hojo up from his grave, take this damn title, turn it   
  
sideways, and stick it straight up your candy-ass!  
  
Sephiroth: Prepare to die in 8 days!  
  
On RAW IS WAR...  
  
In the beginning, Austin Powers, Tuxedo Mask, Cloud Strife, Triple H, Undertaker, and Chris Benoit were   
  
arguing over who would be victorious at Summerslam, when the lights got dark. A few seconds later, the   
  
lights came on, and Queen Beryl, Dr. Evil, and Sephiroth appeared!]  
  
Queen: Tuxedo!  
  
Dr. Evil: Powers!  
  
Sephiroth: Cloud!  
  
Triple H: Wait, you know these punks!  
  
All 3: Yes!  
  
HHH: Then let's have a 6 on 3 handicap match! Us six vs. Cloud, Powers, and T. M.!  
  
[Then all the lights go out again! But this time fireworks explode as Jericho returns! The crowd screams as   
  
Jericho walks down to the ring!]  
  
Jericho: Well, Triple H, it's now changed to you six vs. us four!  
  
[Glass breaks, and Stone Cold returns to the WWF! The crowd roars as he steps in the ring!]  
  
Stone Cold: It's now five on six, you silly bastard, and that's the bottom line, cause Stone Cold said so!   
  
(crowd says it with him!)  
  
Triple H: We still have the upper hand, cause we are that damn...  
  
[The Rock's music plays, and he marches to the ring as the crowd screams at their loudest!]  
  
The Rock: Triple H, The Rock says, you can go suck a monkey's balls! Chris Benoit, you can go stick your   
  
tongue through the hole in your teeth and go lick a wolverine's ass! Undertaker, your American Bad Ass   
  
will get the smacketh down layethed upon! Sephiroth, you will soon realize that the millions...  
  
Crowd: AND MILLIONS!  
  
[Backstage] Tifa: So this is what he meant!  
  
The Rock:...of The Rock's fans shall chant The Rock's name tonight as he whips your candy ass all over   
  
Detroit!  
  
[The crowd starts chanting "Rocky!"]  
  
The Rock: You 2 Jabronies, I don't know you, but one thing's for sure, the bald guy scratches the bitch's ass,   
  
the bitch scratches Sephiroth's ass, and Sephiroth scratches a monkey's ass!  
  
IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLA LA LA LA! WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN!  
  
[Music plays as he leaves to the locker rooms]  
  
Later that night...  
  
Main Event: Rock/Cloud/Austin Powers/Stone Cold Steve Austin/Chris Jericho/Tuxedo Mask vs. Triple   
  
H/Queen Beryl/Dr. Evil/Undertaker/Chris Benoit/Sephiroth: The match of course had too many damn   
  
people in it, so when all 12 people got in the ring, the ref had no choice but to call for the bell!  
  
King: What a battle this is already?  
  
JR: N' SYNC better watch out, they're in front row!  
  
[Then The Dudley Boyz run in and take all 5 members of N'SYNC]  
  
Buh Buh Ray: D-Von! Get the table! (Crowd cheers!)  
  
[D-Von pulls out 2 tables as all 5 members of N'SYNC get slammed through them!]  
  
In the ring, Kanyon runs in to give the Kanyon Cutter to Dr. Evil and Tuxedo Mask!  
  
Kanyon: BANG!!!!!!!!  
  
Timmy: TIMMY!!!!!!!!  
  
Then The Rock plants The Rock Bottom to Queen Beryl and leaves!  
  
RAW IS WAR comes to an end...  
  
Meanwhile on Smackdown.... huh? Oh yes.. Smackdown won't be on tonight. For 1 night only, it has been   
  
replaced with the movie "I Spit On Your Grave." Thank you, and enjoy Summerslam on Sunday, brought to   
  
you in part by Squaresoft's Final Fantasy MCMLXXXIX, the game that shall never end!  
  
On that sudden day.. history will be made.  
  
King: Welcome to Summerslam! Brought to you by Final Fantasy MCMLXXXIX, the game that shall never   
  
end! I also heard that for the 1,988th time, a guy named Cid is in that game, and Biggs and Wedge die   
  
again. (Note that all of Final Fantasy (1 through 9) belongs permanently to Squaresoft, so don't write any   
  
crap to me about it!)  
  
J.R.: That isn't the point now, we have our first match!  
  
Timmy: TIMMY!  
  
Match 1: Intercontinental Championship: Tuxedo Mask with Sailor Moon vs. Chris Benoit  
  
Tuxedo starts off with a powerslam and a vertical suplex, until Benoit fights back with a chop, and a DDT!   
  
Then he chokes Tuxedo with his boot for a few minutes, until the ref pulls Benoit off. The ref gets knocked   
  
out after Benoit purposely hits him in the back. Then he struggles to drag steel steps into the ring and busts   
  
Tuxedo Mask right open with them!  
  
Serena: Oh no! Darian's hurt!  
  
The rabid wolverine puts Tuxedo Mask in the sharpshooter for 2 minutes with T.M. tapping out! With no   
  
ref, the match went on! Serena goes in there and summons a light.... Benoit gets the hold off of Tuxedo   
  
Mask!  
  
Serena: Moon Scepter Elimination!  
  
Once again, she does dumb one minute long poses to complete her power, so Benoit grabs her, and applies   
  
the Crippler Crossface!  
  
Serena: AHHH!!!! Help!!!!!!  
  
Tuxedo: I'll save you!  
  
Benoit gets off of her and applies it to him!  
  
Ref: Ughh... wait... ring the bell! He's out!  
  
[Ding ding ding!]  
  
Fink: Your winner, and still World Wrestling Federation Champion, Chris Benoit!  
  
Serena: No... (sad with tears)  
  
All of a sudden... it's Kanyon! Kanyon runs to the ring and gives the ref a Kanyon Cutter!  
  
Kanyon: BANG!!  
  
He tries to make Benoit feel the bang, but Benoit puts Kanyon in the Crippler Crossface instead! It lasts for   
  
3 minutes until the refs come in to separate the two wrestlers. As Benoit walks backstage, EMT's come in   
  
to take Kanyon away.  
  
Winner: Benoit by submission, and still Intercontinental Champion.  
  
Match 2: Austin Powers with Vanessa Kensington vs. The Undertaker  
  
Undertaker starts it off by throwing Austin around like a rag doll, doing hip tosses and his trademark move   
  
The Last Ride (Powerbomb)! But when Vanessa distracts the ref, Stone Cold runs in there and gives   
  
Undertaker a Stone Cold Stunner! He throws A. Powers on top of him and the ref makes the 3 count!  
  
[Ding ding ding!]  
  
Fink: Here's your winner, Austin Powers!  
  
Austin Powers celebrates by dancing his way with Vanessa backstage!  
  
Wait a minute, The Dudley Boyz are here! They throw The Backstreet Boys over the barricade!  
  
Buh Buh Ray: D-Von! Get the table! (crowd screams)  
  
They pull out 3 tables and put all 5 members of BSB through the tables! Then they run backstage!  
  
Match 3: Chris Jericho vs. Queen Beryl  
  
The Queen begins with a slap to Y2J's face and chest, but Jericho comes back with 3 vertical suplexes. Then   
  
the apprentice of Beryl runs in, but gets stopped by the Acolytes! Then the censor Steven Richards comes in   
  
to stop Jericho from abusing a woman, but The Dudleys come again to beat him up!  
  
Buh Buh Ray: D-Von! Get the table! (crowd screams louder!)  
  
D-Von pulls out a table and soon Steven Richards finally gets what he deserves!  
  
The Queen is shocked by this, but soon her problems are even worse after Jericho grabs her legs and puts   
  
her to submission with the Walls Of Jericho!  
  
Fink: Here's your winner, Chris Jericho!  
  
Winner: Jericho by submission  
  
Match 4: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Dr. Evil with Mr. Bigelsworth  
  
Stone Cold mainly ended this match after giving Dr. Evil a stunner, cause he has no wrestling experience at   
  
all.  
  
Winner: Stone Cold Steve Austin by pinfall  
  
Match 5: Cloud Strife vs. Triple H with Stephanie McMahon  
  
Triple H begins with a bunch of knee hits to Cloud's upper body, before Strife hits him with a vertical body   
  
press and punches repeatedly! 4 minutes later, however, the ref gets knocked out and Cloud is seconds   
  
away from the Pedigree. But wait... Scotty 2 Hotty comes in there and bulldogs Triple H! He starts to   
  
wiggle his feet rapidly and start the greatest move ever!  
  
Crowd: W-O-R-M!  
  
He starts rolling on his stomach and gets to Triple H.  
  
Crowd: WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!  
  
And finally, he punches him in the chest with the diving punch!  
  
Triple H gets back up and throws Scotty out of the ring, only to get a suprise attack by the interfering   
  
Barret! Cloud rolls him up for a shocking win!  
  
Winner: Cloud Strife by pinfall.  
  
Cloud and Barret celebrate backstage with AVALANCHE, The Rock meanwhile, is having an interview...  
  
Kevin Kelly: Rock, your opponent tonight was supposed to be Triple H, and now it's a man named   
  
Sephiroth? What is this about?  
  
Rock: Kevin Kelly, do you like waffles?  
  
K.K.: Yes.  
  
Rock: Where are you from?  
  
K.K.: Well, in Michigan (I'm making this up) I guess.  
  
Rock: Well, go waffle your ass back to Michigan!  
  
Kevin Kelly leaves.  
  
Rock: Tonight, it doesn't matter! Sephiroth, bring Jen-hova, bring that candy-ass Homo, bring King Kong,   
  
bring Scooby Doo, get the congress, get the president, dig George Washington from his grave too, and put   
  
them all ringside with your candy-ass and it wouldn't matter, cause The Rock shall put, the MOST,   
  
electrifying move in sports entertainment, The People's.. Elbow.  
  
Cid who enters: Hey Rock, how's it goin-  
  
Rock: Shut your mouth when I'm talking, Jabroni! Hear the crowd chant the The Rock's name!  
  
Crowd: ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!  
  
Rock: IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LA LA LA LA WHAT THE ROCK........................ (does   
  
eyebrow taunt for 4 seconds)................ is cookin! (Then he leaves)  
  
Main Event: The Rock vs. Sephiroth WWF Title match  
  
The Rock starts off with extreme chops to Sephiroth and a final chop knocking him over the ropes.   
  
King: What a match this already is!  
  
Timmy: GRREEBLAR TIMMY!  
  
J.R.: Why did we hire him?  
  
Anyways, enough with that, The Rock is now outside stomping Sephiroth now! While he gets back in the   
  
ring, Sephiroth draws his Masamune blade out!  
  
Sephiroth: I'll kill you on live television weakling!  
  
When he swings, The Rock hits with a DDT and knocks the sword out of his hands! All of a sudden,   
  
AVALANCHE, Triple H, Tuxedo Mask, D-X, Right To Censor (yes, he's okay), and The Dudley Boyz all   
  
get in the ring for a big battle and we got a match! First, Yuffie gets thrown out by the fearless Bull   
  
Buchanan while Vincent throws out X-Pac! Triple H takes out Tifa with a Pedigree, but gets a reverse DDT   
  
from Cloud! Tuxedo Mask throws out The Goodfather, while The Dudleys go out there waiting for any   
  
bastards to come over the ropes. Everyone except Rock and Sephiroth leave the ring and Buh Buh Ray   
  
finds something under the ring!  
  
Buh Buh Ray: D-Von! GET THE TABLE! (crowd screams again)  
  
Metallica: Oh no, we're next....  
  
D-Von: No don't worry Metallica, you guys rule!  
  
Metallica (doing the 3-d signs): Kick ass!  
  
Buh Buh Ray throws the table in the ring and the Dudleys leave while the fight goes on.  
  
The Rock and Sephiroth go toe to toe near the table and Sephiroth tries to put The Rock through it! When   
  
he tries to pick him up, The Rock reverses it to Rock Bottom Sephiroth through the table and pin him to   
  
keep the title!  
  
Winner and still World Heavyweight Champion, The Rock!  
  
Well it's time to go back for some of these people through the portal, but wait... something's wrong!  
  
Cloud: Are you sure this is where we entered?  
  
Tifa: I'm sure!  
  
King: Well I figured it out, you are staying here on Earth, this portal isn't getting repaired soon. (He soon   
  
hides the monkey wrench behind his back quickly!) His thoughts: Yes! Puppies! YAHOO! WHOO-HOO!  
  
Sephiroth: You sick perv, I can read your thoughts.  
  
King: Oh no...  
  
  
THE END Wait, I can't end it like this! Here's what happens to everyone in this story in the true ending!  
  
The Rock keeps his WWF Title until October, when he loses it to the Undertaker in an unfair match, only to   
  
get it back a day later and defend it for a longer time!  
  
Stone Cold Steve Austin becomes an even bigger bad-ass than usual, and teaches Austin Powers to chug six   
  
packs of beer in 2 seconds (I don't think that's possible but forget about it)  
  
Chris Jericho gets his Intercontinental Title shot and beats the hell out of Chris Benoit to win it back!  
  
Triple H gets injured and disappears without a trace... or maybe he stepped in the portal before King   
  
wrecked it, cause The Rock claims to have seen him on Pokemon when he watches it with his kids.  
  
Undertaker gets the title from The Rock, only to lose it a day later to the same person. Nothing else   
  
happens to him.  
  
Chris Benoit loses the IC title to Chris Jericho, and becomes number 10 on the greatest technical wrestler   
  
list. Number 1? The Rock of course!  
  
Kanyon comes back to WCW in October from injury, only to get his ass kicked by Diamond Dallas Page,   
  
who makes him feel the real bang with a Diamond Cutter!  
  
Cloud gets 2nd place for best hairstyle contest, losing to Wayne Static of Static X. Cloud's punishment for   
  
losing? Him and everyone who lost got their hair shaved off and placed next to Andre Agassi's ponytail in   
  
Las Vegas.  
  
Vincent got a role on the Buffy The Vampire Slayer TV series. He proclaims that they must do all shootings   
  
with him at night time.  
  
Tifa sues Jerry The King Lawler for sexual harrassment and loses the trial, because The King is The King.  
  
Aeris gets a controversy by Final Fantasy fans who claim that she's really dead!  
  
Cid helps make another Top Gun, and smacks Jeff Jarrett for looking like him and copying his sayings.  
  
Red XIII goes out on his own to live in a nice habitat in the suburbans with a regular family.  
  
Cait Sith loses his Mog to the FBI, which gets sent to Toys R Us. He gets sent to a pet store.  
  
Yuffie gets arrested for shoplifting tomatoes at a store. Her excuse that didn't work? She claimed to the   
  
cops that it was 20 pieces of Knights Of The Round summon materia.  
  
Sephiroth becomes a psychic hotline person. Now only 1 minute is free!  
  
A. Powers goes back to England and realized that the portal didn't matter to him.  
  
So did Vanessa. And Dr. Evil, who got Mini-Me in a few years.  
  
Sailor Moon and the other scouts became back up dancers for Ricky Martin, and got fired. Why? Ricky   
  
thought they were on drugs when they mentioned Moon Scepter Elimination.  
  
Tuxedo Mask literally got sawed in half by angry magicians.  
  
Queen Beryl... nothing happened to her, she sucked.  
  
Barrett becomes Mr. T in the new A-Team series on TV.  
  
Timmy leaves as a commentator, and becomes a singer for a band.  
  
Backstreet Boys and N SYNC recover from the table shots, only to get booed at by fans, and attacked by   
  
The Dudley Boyz and Metallica.  
  
Right To Censor gets fired. That is all.  
  
Now... THE END  
  
  
Well... I think it's not bad for a first story, I'll try to work on more in the future. I note again that   
  
ABSOLUTELY NONE of this is owned by me in any way, they are owned by the money-crazed companies   
  
that bought them, so respect to all and peace out. 


End file.
